I have to tell you that I actually did this for a four day period a few weeks ago. I didn't want HH to know what I was doing while I was doing it. Read Yesterday before you read today if you can.
The morning began with me wondering how I would be able to give fifteen minutes of unshared, focused, me being present in mind... time. I was going about my day and they were all at school or work or napping. I became acutely aware that I actually do get time alone and I whispered an acknowledgement of thanks.
I realized that somehow this time would have to be squeezed into moments somewhere between school getting out, dinner, homework, baseball practice and bedtime. I honestly didn't think it would be possible and that I would have to give up on day one.
But, then the boys were home from school. The baby was napping. I was trying to print a baseball schedule to be handed out at practice. Mister Luke approached.
Mom- can I go shoot the bb gun?
No, not with anyone out there with you. It is new to our family.
Will you come out with me?
This is where I would normally say - No, I have to finish this honey. Do your homework. You have practice tonight.
But, instead I gave. I got up and walked outside with him into the cold, bitter wind that has been swooping through this valley. And I did something I had never in my life done before. I shot a bb gun at a target into the wooded land behind our home. I smiled. This was fun. He loaded it again for me.
Do you want to know how?
My ten year old son taught me how to load, pump and shoot. We checked the target for our shots. Wondered at the way they stuck in the tree. Made a target from a cardboard box. Used duct tape together.
In his eyes, his stance and his voice, there was something I don't get often from him. There was a softness. You see, he is the child that demands the most of me. We butt heads.
When he was two, his blankie was on the floor. I told him to pick it up. He would not. We stood toe to toe over that blankie until I said- why do you want me to pick it up? it is yours. His reply was simple. Because you are my mommy!
I gave in. I am his mommy. Nobody else.
We shot the bb gun together. It was longer than 15 minutes.
I started the rice for dinner and put the curry chicken into the oven.
Toots, do you want to play catch?
He was dressed in his new t-ball uniform. He had been wearing it for three days. He was ready.
His eyes lit up as he went for his mitt. He showed me how I could use dad's mitt and found it for me in the garage.
I learned that this boy is talented. I always knew he was good at baseball, but the way he caught that ball in whatever horrible way I threw it to him absolutely floored me. I was not as good, but he was gracious with me. He waited patiently as I chased the balls I had missed down the driveway and walked back up. He suggested that I keep my eye on the ball.
I checked the clock. Had it been 15 minutes? Yes. I can't help it. I still had to finish dinner. Homework had to be done. Hottie Husband would be home soon.
Mister Luke and Toots continued to play catch outside.
Jackie Boy was playing guitar hero.
Can I play?
He helped me choose my character, my guitar, my outfit. I didn't know you could even do that.
Then we battled. He absolutely slaughtered me. I was horrible. He was patient. He taught me where to put my fingers, how to get "star power", when to shake the guitar. I got better. I rocked. I laughed.
We ate dinner and they headed off to baseball practice. My baby was cranky. He is not feeling good. Okay, your turn buddy. We sat on the floor. At first he squirmed and fussed, wanting to be held. We could do that too. But, as soon as I started rolling to ball to him, he looked into my eyes and smiled. He rolled it back and we played. I got distracted, started thinking of what needed to be done. Dishes, load out of wash before it started to stink, checking blog. Okay, focus on this little guy. He won't be little much longer.
I was surprised that it had even been possible for one day. The funny thing is, I was happier. I knew my boys better, even in one day.
We were up late. Hottie Husband was studying and I was trying to put together a costume for a play Jackie Boy would be in tomorrow night. It was nearly midnight and HH was sitting down to have some cereal before bed. I wanted to go to bed. I instead sat with him, laughed at the late night host on TV with him, heard about the crazy haircut one of the fireman had come to work with today. Felt connected.
One day. Not bad.