In It With You

My best friend moved away this year. By away, I don't mean the next town over or the next state over or even the next country over. She moved all the way across a continent and ocean to the country of Germany.

We met when we were juniors in high school on a church houseboat camping trip. We didn't go to the same high school, but I was drawn to her immediately. She was funny and witty and pretty. These are the things a sixteen year old looks for in a friend. I had no idea the depth of the friendship that would follow. We bonded over the fact that we had both tried out for varsity cheer and neither one of us had made it. I remember dancing with her on the top of that houseboat singing together, "we are losers" or something like that. We also thought that our twenty something ski boat driver was hot. These silly things began the bond that has now lasted twenty years.

A few years ago,I used to run with another friend. I was just getting to know her and we had many great talks on our runs. But, at that time, her best friend had just moved away. She was in mourning over it really. I used to listen to her and not really "get it." I kept thinking that it was silly to be so upset. That she could pick up the phone and talk to her anytime or e-mail or even go visit her. Of course, I never said these things, but I thought them.

Also, when my friend told me she was moving away, I didn't really process it as something hard for me because I was so happy for her and her husband to be doing what they were called to do. But then, as the time grew closer, I had an emotional reaction that I didn't expect. I would be in the shower or wake up in the middle of the night, or be driving my kids to school and just start weeping because she was leaving. I was mourning the loss of her. I remember telling myself, "She is not dying, she is just moving."

The thing is that I never expected to have a friendship like this. I am really close to my family and I think when that is the case, we don't often dig in to friendships like other women do. It isn't the lifeline that it is to others.

I always say that she taught me to be a friend. She wouldn't let me not call her back. She wouldn't let me slack off on being part of her life. She wouldn't let me fake it. She wouldn't let me hide. She would be loyal. She would be truthful. She would "get me." What a gift.

It has not turned out to be as hard as I thought it would because of the Internet. Skype and blogging and the fact that she somehow has a local phone number that reaches all the way to Germany has made it much easier than I anticipated.

I was able to talk to her yesterday morning for the first time in a while. A subject came up that I had anticipated would and she said something to me that has stuck with me. I have been processing or failing to process something that we, of course, discussed. (No, I'm not going to write about it yet! Didn't you note that I am currently failing to process it?)

Anyway, she said, "I'm in it with you."

Did you catch how powerful that is?

Even across a continent and ocean!

To first, have someone really gets who you are and second, to have that person "in it with you" is such an amazing thing. Not as an onlooker, observer, advice giver, an "oh I knew that is what was going on with you", an "oh, it will all be okay" type of "with you." Rather, an honest to goodness, get down in the pit and mud and get dirty "in it with you" or up to the mountaintops and into the beauty "in it with you." The thing is that she didn't really know how to process it either. She was, "in it with me." I love that! That is real.

This got me thinking about this blogging thing. I have been visiting a lot of blogs and the thing I am starting to get is that there is this very cool and powerful and authentic group of women blogging out there. A few months ago, I didn't even know what a blog was. Now, I have discovered this community of women who don't even know each other in real life, but are completely invested in each others lives.

Today, baby Stellan is having surgery on his heart. Please pray for this little one. As I read about the details of his surgery on MckMama's blog, I got a pit in my stomach. There are thousands reading and praying for Stellan and when I read their comments I see that many of these women are "in it with her." The reason they are is simply because she has let them in.

Thanks, my little fraulein, for teaching me to let others in and for being "in it with me."