Friday, September 25, 2009

BB

Yesterday I was sitting, having lunch in a sandwich shop with Hottie Husband when something unexpected happened. Toots was with us, working on his lunch and Little Bear was happy in his car seat. Then Little Bear started to fuss. I knew it was getting close to naptime so I took him out of his car seat and sat him in my lap. I continued eating my yummy chicken salad wrap with my right hand while holding him on my left knee and bouncing him up and down.

We were chatting, having a good ol time until HH looked at the vacant car seat, then at me and almost gagged. He then pointed at the front of my shirt and at the car seat. I followed his eyes and I was stunned. There was poo all over my shirt, all over the car seat, all over the baby's leg and all over my skirt. And my lunch was sitting in front of me.

The bouncing had caused orange baby poo to be scraped up and down my black tank top from between my boobs all the way down to my belly button. So, I looked at the poo all over me and then the puddle of it in the car seat and what was smeared on Little Bear's leg and then I looked at Toots and he was pointing at me and gagging.

I just sat there frozen for a moment. I didn't know what to clean first. My wipes were in the car. A wipeless mother with a poo blowout is helpless. So off to the car we went and Little Bear got cleaned up. New diaper, a wipey bath and new clothes for him. Poo covered shirt and skirt for me. Then, I had to walk back into the restaurant like that, with what little dignity I had left, and try to clean myself off in the bathroom.

As I gave myself a paper towel wipe down, I started thinking, "Good thing I wore a black tank top today and a camo skirt because even though it is there, you can't REALLY tell what it is. Even though I know it is poo, at least I am not wearing a white shirt. Cuz then everyone would know.'

HH cleaned out the car seat. He is good for so many things I tell you.

Then he handed me a $100.00 bill.
I said, "What's this for? For letting your child shat all over me?"

He just raised his eyebrows.
Not a man a many words is he!
Although he did suggest we change Little Bear's name to Blowout Bear

...and call him BB for short.


13 comments:

Transparent Mama said...

Just thinking you might be wondering why I couldn't smell it. No solids yet and breastmilk poo has a very mild smell. Aren't you glad to know?

Lauren said...

Been there! It recently happened to me on an airplane! I had to give my little guy a wipes bath in one of those teeny airplane bathrooms!

Marketing Mama said...

Oh geeeeee.... sounds like fun! :) Motherhood, always a surprise around every corner.

Hansen Family said...

The joys of being a mommy right? Have a nice weekend.

Foursons said...

Oh Yuck! Unfortunately I can totally relate. And how funny you got $100 for letting your baby shat all over you. Did you go buy yourself a nice new outfit that he had actually intended for you to do with the money?

Farmgirl Paints said...

OH NO!!! I think as moms we've all been there at one time or another. I would fall over if my Honey gave me a $100 out of the blue. That HH is a keeper I tell ya:)

campbell6 said...

What did you buy?

New England Girl said...

Oh my goodness! You poor woman... you handle yourself so well though [or I imagine you to!]. I would have absolutely died had this happened, and I certainly wouldn't have gone back into that restaurant to clean myself off... I totally would have used someone else's who had no idea/inkling! :) Hope you got a fantastic outfit though. ;)

Brian, the old man said...

I know exactly how you feel, unfortunately. My little girl did that to me one time in McDonalds except it was just me and her so I had no help. You are lucky HH was there to help with BB. I also think it is funny your last line where you call BB his child. I know that everytime my children make a mistake they are always my ex-wife's children and visa versa from her point of view. So did you go out and buy some new clothes with the money? Have a wonderful day.

takemetomaui said...

Oh my!!! Sorry for chuckling....but that's awesome :) Glad you could laugh about it (you are laughing, right?)

Leslee said...

LOVESIT!!!

We Mom's are a.mazing, yes???

I vote for the name change!! Although if we all changed a childs name for that reason can you just imagine how many Blowout kids there would be?!?!?!? Hehehehe

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

I think I might have ripped the shirt off in public. Appropriate? Probably not.

Entertaining story.

Speaking of, I LOVE the post about Granny.

mindyluwho said...

My favorite line: "A wipeless mother with a poo blowout is helpless."

Several years ago I was holding my baby on my hip at church while visiting with a lady I hadn't seen for a long time and then happened to feel something wet on my arm. I looked down and there was poo all over my side...and this was a one year old, so it was the smelly kind!