Wednesday, February 3, 2010

An Angry Mother

When Mister Luke and Jackie Boy (who are 16 months apart),  were a little younger, I one time said to Hottie Husband- I used to be a happy person, but now I feel like I am MAD all day long! 

I wasn't asking for a fix, I was just... well...   sharing.... my .... feelings!

That sweet man of mine went out and bought me this book.

You can't really click to look inside because I stole borrowed the image from Amazon.

I read the cover- She's Gonna Blow-  and started bawling! 
He looked stunned.

What is wrong?
You think I am an angry mother!

Well, honey you said that you felt like you were mad all day long and I heard this lady interviewed on the radio and she was funny and I thought you might relate and I thought the book might help.

But, you really do think I am an angry mom.

Sigh- No, you said you were! 


But, the thing is, I really was an angry mom. I was struggling to try to make our home look and our wild  energetic young boys behave as I had always imagined it. I was trying to control everything and it wasn't working very well. So I became frustrated and angry on a daily basis and I am sure that my boys (all of them) didn't find me to be much fun to live with. I certainly didn't enjoy living with myself. 

The best thing that this book taught me was that I wasn't alone. I remember looking at all the other moms and thinking - they don't look angry. But, maybe I didn't look angry in public either. But, Julie Barnhill shares some doozies in this book. She talks about nearly throwing her child on the bed, so angry that her child kept getting out of bed during nap time. 

I remember that being such a frustrating time. I just wanted my kids to sleep during nap time so I could have a moment, and when they wouldn't, my blood would boil. 

Buying this book for me turned out to be the right thing because it made me face the fact that I was angry. And that it wasn't a good thing. It wasn't good for me or my boys or our home life in general. But, was it my fault? I blamed my wild  energetic boys. They only listen if I yell! They are disobedient! They act like crazy people!!! 

But, do you fight a tornado with a tornado? Can a crazy yelling person calm a crazy pair of boys? NO. I was the adult and I needed to stop being angry, relax a bit, and find ways to discipline that took me out of the equation and made them responsible for their actions. I needed to stop sinning against my children and I needed to apologize.  

This was years ago and I think just realizing that being that angry was not okay was enough to change me. However, it does not mean that it is still not something that I struggle with. My hormones have been all out of whack lately because Little Bear is eating more solids and nursing less. This is causing some very un-fun hormonal levels. So, I caught myself yelling in anger at my boys last week. It would never be because I told my perfect children to do three things before I was out of the shower and I came out to find that none of it was done. NO, my children would never completely disregard something that their mother said. And their mother would never completely lose it and yell at them. That never happens here. 

But, really, it does. This is not pretty stuff to share, but it is real and if you are a mama and are struggling with anger, know that you are not alone.


Farmgirl Paints said...

Oh I think we all have our moments. The PMS monster is pretty bad at our house. It's really hard being a woman sometimes. Hang in there.

takemetomaui said...

I can so relate! I still struggle with having the "perfect" family and I sometimes set such high standards that I can't help but be disappointed and feel like a failure. Thanks for posting such honesty!

Jmomma said...

Thanks for this post! Sometimes it can be so hard to stay in control. My son does a pretty good job of keeping me in check though because whenever I yell he looks at me completely serious and says, "Mommy, you're not supposed to yell at me because it isn't kind. I forgive you and I love you. Are you going to be nice to me now?" Ah, I love children! :)

Liz said...

Are you writing specifically to me?!? This is exactly what I am facing and feeling right now. I feel like my oldest (just turned 4) only listens if I yell or become more "hands on" with him. Granted...he has been through more change and still more change in his wee little life...and I know that having daddy deployed doesn't help the situation (for him or me!) but it sure is easy to escalate and think it is the only way to get results.

Will get the book. I love reading this kind of stuff! Thanks!

rntina said...

You are right on. I too had my first two kids 16 months apart then 14 months later had my third. Yes that is 3 kids in30 months!!! That was such a hard time in my life, and looking back, I wish I had a do over button. I was on survival mode. Thanks for sharing, I just might go get that book for dealing with those kids, who are now teenagers and the 3 others I have now. I find it hard to not yell, and I don't want to yell.
Thanks for a great enlightening post!!!

campbell6 said...

"Find a way to resolve conflict that takes me out of the equation and make them responsible for their actions." I'm still back at "relax a bit". So what you're saying, is before I get to resolving conflicts, ect., I need to take a cruise. I'll let my own hottie husband know. Is that in the book as well?

Mel Heth said...

I'm glad I read this - I think I'll need that book if I have kids some day. :)

mumof2boys said...

Thankyou so much for this post. I have just realised this week that I have to stop being an "angry mum". It's so nice to hear I'm not alone.

Mum of two 21 months apart.

Buddy and Krista said...

b, perfect timing with this. i'm just ordering a bunch of books from amazon for our i'll get this for sure. you are such an amazing mom and to know that you stuggled with this too makes me feel so much better :) i love my two so much but it can be hard sometimes...

Brigetta's Mom said...

YOU are such an inspiration.....