Not Me Monday!

Such excitement! It is time for Not Me Monday. I know that you have just been dying to hear all of the things that I have not been doing over the past few weeks. Perhaps some have even gone into withdrawals, you know, started having tremors and such.

Well, no fear, Not Me Monday is back.

First of all, I did not allow a couple who was sitting outside of my house in their car to come into my home to see it. Even if they seemed really nice, that would be a bit nutty and possibly unsafe. I mean, I live in the L.A. area so that would be crazy. Also, I had no idea what the inside of the house looked like because it had not really been straightened up that day and who knows what could be lying around. So, of course, I did not give them a tour of the upstairs and did not kick toys out of the way while holding the baby to make a walkway through the boys bedroom to their bathroom. Seriously, there were no beds made, so who in their right mind would do that? I especially would not let two strangers see my bathroom because if I did then they would see my ratty, stinky nursing bra sitting on the bathroom counter and that would be absolutely positively horrifying. And there is no way that I would show them my closet because I would be totally embarrassed to be standing with a husband and wife and notice that my black panties were hanging over the edge of the hamper. Really, I might die right there on the spot if that happened. So, I kindly told them they would have to see it another time.

Secondly, I did not overindulge in the yummy homemade cheeseburgers, Snickers Carmel apple salad, homemade potato salad and birthday cake for Ida's birthday. I am a person of moderation and self-control. So, there is no possible way that I could have gotten stuck in my very cute, albeit a bit old, turquoise skirt. I would never try to unzip my skirt just a bit to make a little room and then discover that the zipper was stuck. And I certainly did not start to feel claustrophobic and begin to sweat and panic. Therefore, patient Hottie Husband did not try to get the zipper unstuck while I took very deep breaths to calm myself. And I did not have to be ultimately rescued by Ida wielding a pair of scissors. No way, no how did Ida have to cut the very cute, albeit a bit old, turquoise skirt off of me right in the middle of my kitchen. I mean, what kind of crazy lady gets stuck in a skirt?

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. If you like, you can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.