Saturday, September 4, 2010

Madder Than A Hornet- Part Duex

There was once a very happy hornet who picked up her boys from school. The hornet had one simple, brief errand to run before going home. The baby who is actually a toddler  was home and these were school age boys, old enough to run one simple errand with their mother.

The hornet got out of her car and walked with the three not so little anymore boys into the post office to mail her sister's birthday present. As they waited in line, some portion of the counter became the same portion that they all wanted to stand in front of. First, discreet elbows were jabbed. Then, not so discreet elbows were thrown.

There were other people in line. This hornet is wise and self-controlled. So, she took one of the little boys out of the equation. Made him stand at a distance from the other boys. Then, the post office clerk waved her forward. She walked forward to mail her package. But, uh oh. There was a chair next to her particular window and the two other boys raced for it. They sat in it next to each other. It moved and rolled and elbows began to fly.

Again, so very in control, the hornet told the boys that neither of them could sit in the chair. She faced the clerk who was waiting to ask if she needed insurance. But then the boys began to swarm, legs were flying trying to kick one another, arms were being grabbed. The hornet turned to them-

Go outside. NOW. GO. NOW. I will deal with you in a minute!!!!


At this point, the hornet's face is most certainly red. She is no longer a happy hornet. In fact, there is a certain rage being contained just under the surface. She talks to the clerk through her teeth-

Yes. By Friday is fine. It is already late. Okay. Thank you. 


Then she walks past the boys to the car. She does not even look at them. They will have to notice her if they want a ride home. They come trailing after.

They are like Smurfs- la.la,la,la,la,laaaaaa- like nothing has even happened.
She is now beginning to boil.

Mom, what's wrong?


YOU DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK TO ME RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO FIGHT IN A STORE OR BANK OR RESTAURANT OR POST OFFICE!!!!


Nobody speaks the whole way home. Except for the smallest one who still does not quite get how angry the hornet is.

She gets home. She tells them they may not come into the house. The little one has to go to the bathroom. She tells him he will have to wait. The hornet is trying to compose herself. She is trying to think of a reasonable consequence. After all, she really is reasonable and self-controlled.

She breaths. She thinks. She goes back outside. She lines them up to explain to them exactly why their behavior was so unacceptable. She begins to explain the consequences- no video games, no computer, you will clean your room and the playroom and vacuum it. The littlest one turns around in the middle of the lecture and begins to pee on a tree.

The hornet tries not to laugh because then all the boys will laugh and the whole lecture will go out the window.

They come in. They clean. They make up a game while they are diligently cleaning  which involves two jumping on the bed and one trying to knock the others off their feet with a bean bag.

The hornet is not quite as mad as a hornet anymore and the boys...

they are like Smurfs- la, la, la, la, la, la...!!!!


4 comments:

Brigetta's Mom said...

Ooooooooooh, Just can't stop laughing!

MamaMonki said...

So that's what I have to look forward too!

The Brewers said...

you are such a cute and good mama hornet. maybe if you went and talked to the other hornets in the nest behind the house it would be like therapy? it's also a lot of FUN to live in a city and have no car and thus have to take take mini ones on the BUS--especially when they are singing songs with one another about farts and are giggling hysterically. and mama hornet has to be all serious telling them to stop but then has to turn her face because she really wants to laugh. being a mama in public is extra hard sometimes. love you friend :) and i love reading your bloggy stories

Joybird said...

Thanks for the giggle. It reminds me of a story Lisa Welchel told of lecturing her son on the importance of not stuffing a pillow over his sister's face to stop her from screaming when he very seriously leaned in to her and asked her a question about Darth Vadar. She immediately went into her room and stuffed a pillow over her face to stifle her own screams.