Friday, October 8, 2010

Permission to Write

This is what I was wearing when it happened.

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Snowflake pajama bottoms, hot pink socks, and a bright blue sweatshirt.
My teeth hadn't been brushed yet and my hair was pulled back haphazardly in a ponytail. 
Hair that needs desperately to have the roots done. 

My hair, along with the laundry, floor, dishes and paperwork has been neglected. 

But, I have done something I have dreamed about since I could read sentences.

I finished writing a novel. 

 The first draft is 424 pages long, double-spaced, and took me six months to write. 

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Six months of time spent in between sports practices, lunch making, diaper changes, bath times, dinner making, laundry doing, summer activities, baseball games, football games, family visiting, telling my children to - brush their teeth, wash their hands, do their homework, practice piano, go to bed so mommy can work!

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I had started many, finished none. 
Until now.

The difference this time was in two things.
First, I gave myself permission to be a writer.
Permission to call myself a writer and permission to take time from all that is 
our family life and actually write.
 I told HH that I didn't want to dream of it anymore. I wanted to do it. 
If he had not fully supported me, I would have felt guilty taking the time and never finished.

Second, I didn't go into it with the sole thought of- what if I do it and it doesn't get published?
I let go of that fear of failure that has always stopped me 
and made the whole effort seem not worth it.


 Instead, I have discovered that there is a freedom in having everything I ever wanted already under the same roof with me.

It doesn't seem like such a big deal if it gets published or not. 
It's my story.
I created and wrote it.
And there was such joy for me in the process.
Being published would be delightful, but my cup already overfloweth. 

I am going to let it sit for a while.
HH is going to read it all the way through.
I'll go back, revise, polish, query agents, see what happens.

 For now, I am just going to stare at that big fat stack of papers for a while and say-

I did it.
I finally did it. 

12 comments:

PBKISSES said...

WOW! I am in awe! You must feel so...good! I can't even find the right word, but I just know it must feel wonderful to finish that task/dream. You go girl and just bask awhile!

The Brewers said...

who hoooooooooo! i am so excited for you my friend! i am so proud of you! and how you did that, being a mom of 4 boys and everything else...you are an incredible, and incredibly gifted woman and i can't wait to get my hands on that big pile of glorious papers. yipeeeeeeeeee!!!! :)

Alisa said...

That is so amazing!! I'm so proud of you and excited to see your book in the bookstore, so I can buy it and read it. =) I have faith!! I know it will get published. Way to go girl!! Congrats!! oxoxoxo

Kendra said...

That is such a great accomplishment, good for you! You should bask in that big ol' pile of papers for at least a week before even looking at it again! :-)

beka said...

Oh my word, that is awesome!!!
Congrats, dear.
It's something I aspire to someday.........writing a novel.
Sigh.
How many of us actually put actions to our desire, though?
Sigh again.

Wonderfee, dear!!

Kathleen said...

Wow! Such an amazing accomplishment. Much bigger deal than finally writing a Christmas letter. I would love to sneak on over to Montana and get my grubby hands on that crisp, beautiful stack of white glorious papers. I will wait, though. Not patiently, mind you.
Well done and congratulations!

Laura aka Lolo said...

Wow is the word for you today!! You set out to do something that was placed on you heart and you did it!! I am not only in awe of you I am inspired too. I want to be the first one in you official unofficial fan club!! Good job if you were closer I would get you a giant hug!! Maybe you should change your blog name to "Ms Inspiration" or "I said I was going to & I did it" or ....;)

Farmgirl Paints said...

I am so beyond proud of you Brigetta. What a major major accomplishment!! You actually did what you set out to do. How many people can say that. Good for you:) You need to go celebrate big!!

donahugh43 said...

We are so proud of you.Can we join your fan club too. But we have always been a part of your fan club. Congratulations

2 Moms of a Feather...Stick Together said...

Yea! Good for you!
so...are you going to give us a "sneek peek" about what you wrote about?

Brigetta's Mom said...

Amazing Accomplishment!!
You you have always had a love of books from the time you were small.
Many times looking all over the house for you, finally finding you in your room.
You would be sitting in a corner so engrossed in the book that you were reading, you never heard me calling for you! I should have known that you would become a writer:-) Proud Mom:-)

margie said...

Hey out there Brigetta-
Haven't been in touch for ages but I'm sick (only way us moms of many get to lie down!) So I decided to catch up on your life. I had no idea about the novel. So happy for you. Congrats and best wishes!
Margie Campbell (formerly campbell6 and now pipeliners girl)